Are You Motivated, or Just Pressured?

What sparks action for you?

I’m in the business of helping people achieve their personal and professional goals. Rather than using a command-style approach where I tell my coaching clients what to do, I guide them to identify the motivation behind their goals. This leaves them feeling empowered rather than pushed. At its core, motivation is just the drive to change or act in a certain way. I’ve learned through years of coaching that you’re far more likely to succeed when you have intrinsic motivation and self-determination than if you are pressured by others.

Confidence can help to drive motivation because it is the belief that you can succeed, and usually leads to setting more ambitious goals and a lower fear of failure. In turn, motivation helps to build confidence by helping you put in the work to improve your skills and overcome obstacles. 

Types of Motivators

Negative vs. Positive

Motivation can be positive or negative in tone. Negative motivation is associated with feelings of fear, shame, or anxiety, where you are avoiding or moving away from something undesirable or proving the naysayers wrong. While effective for immediate results, it triggers your brain’s “fight or flight” stress response, a state that is emotionally draining and unsustainable in the long term. Has anyone ever told you that you can’t do something because it’s never been done before, or due to your age, gender, or some other reason that makes no sense to you? You better believe it makes me want to do it even more just to spite them. But unless I am getting something out of it, I won’t continue.

On the other hand, positive motivation is about moving toward what you want, and relates to emotions like happiness, satisfaction, and hope. By activating your brain’s reward system, it is more effective for building lasting change or habits. If I can see how I’m benefiting, I am more likely to continue.

Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic

Where does motivation come from? Extrinsic motivation comes from the outside, whether by other people, or for external outcomes. This might be pressure from others, guilt, or simple cost-benefit analysis. But the cost is usually immediate and the benefit may not come until later, so it can also be harder to maintain.

Intrinsic motivation is self-determined, and meets our innate needs. When you’re intrinsically motivated, you do something just for the sake of it, because it gives you new knowledge, a sense of challenge and accomplishment, and enjoyment from the activity itself.

Self-determination theory says that this kind of motivation is the most effective and natural because it meets your innate needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness.

Uncover Your Motivators

Understanding your motivators helps you to evaluate options and opportunities by determining whether they will excite you and give you a sense of purpose. In my upcoming book, Radically Authentic, I discuss motivators as part of a trio of factors, along with core values and strengths, that define who you are, or your essence:

Your motivators are what energize you and give meaning to what you do. They’re what sustain you through challenging work and allow you to operate at your best, rather than feeling drained.

Your values are beliefs and principles that guide you, your strengths are how you do things, and your motivators are the energy and forces that spark action. When you act in alignment with your motivators, values, and strengths, you lead with integrity and perform at your best.

To help you translate these ideas into practice, I’ve provided a worksheet that walks you through identifying what actually energizes you. (PDF download, interactive worksheet)

How to Motivate Others

The same intrinsic-versus-extrinsic thinking applies when you're the one doing the motivating, whether you're leading a team or trying to get your teenager to pick up their clothes off the floor. When you’re motivating others, keep in mind that while you can pressure them or try to set goals to motivate them, helping them identify their intrinsic motivators and using positive reinforcement will be more effective. You can ask them what motivates them, and if they’re not sure, point them to a list of motivators, like the one in my worksheet. 

Don’t assume that everyone wants the same thing. For example, even when someone says they are interested in a promotion, their motivations could be several things, like wanting recognition or status, having greater influence, increasing their scope or impact, or earning more money to support their family or to pay off debt.

It’s also helpful to figure out what demotivates them.

Finally, invite them to discuss how well each of their motivators is being satisfied, and what could be done to improve the situation.

Armed with that information, you now have a much better idea of how to motivate that person.

Sustaining Motivation

What happens when that initial spark wears off? Interestingly, motivation usually follows a U-shaped curve. It tends to be higher at the beginning of an effort, when you’re really excited and inspired to get something started, and also near the end, when you feel that urge to sprint to the finish line. But the middle is when motivation tends to dip. You might start to feel bored or weary, and it’s harder to see your progress. 

That’s when it’s critical to keep showing up consistently, to take even small steps, even when you don’t feel the motivation. Take the time to look back to notice the progress you’ve made. Break up your effort into smaller milestones, and celebrate when you’ve completed each one - you’re essentially creating mini starts and finishes. If you’ve ever worked on sprints, this may sound familiar. Turn your marathon into a series of sprints, and make sure you pause for mini-breaks in between.

Learning to manage your energy through these inevitable dips is central to the approach I share in Radically Authentic, which publishes this October. If you are looking for more guidance on sustaining your motivation over the long haul, I’ve developed a toolkit containing seven total worksheets designed to help you navigate these challenges. You can learn more about the book, access the toolkit, and sign up for updates at carolineykim.com.