Connection

[This post was edited for clarity and readability on 11/25/2025.]

First things first: Happy Birthday to my husband and best friend, Chris! We were lucky to celebrate with good friends—including one who shares the same birthday—on a cruise in the San Francisco Bay. We got a rare family photo where both of my kids are smiling for real, plus the wind made my hair crazy!

I’ve been thinking about the importance of connection lately, especially as we return to the office. It's been refreshing to spend in-person time with others after emerging from a couple years of isolation. I find it remarkable just how much I enjoy being around other people, given that I’m the kind of introvert who will go to great lengths to avoid talking to another human, especially on the phone.

And yet, I know firsthand that feeling a sense of connection to others and the world around us is essential for our happiness and overall well-being. When I get past my apprehension about talking to a stranger on the phone, it’s never as bad as I imagine, and usually quite pleasant. 

This idea of connection was reinforced when I recently read How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan, which is about psychedelics and their potential to heal and transform our minds. One example that Pollan shares is treating people with addiction, including alcoholism. Research suggests that psychedelics can break the cycle of addiction by helping people connect with their inner selves, with others, and with the natural world. Addiction is a form of disconnection: when we are not getting connection, we turn to a substance to fill the void.

The book recounts the story of a man struggling with alcoholism who was administered psilocybin mushrooms in a clinical setting. He experienced deep connection to the universe and the people around him, finding a sense of peace and well-being that he hadn't felt in years. He realized he no longer needed alcohol to feel good, and discovered a new sense of purpose and meaning in his life.

Human connection is crucial to mental health, boosting our emotional regulation, self-esteem, and empathy. It’s no coincidence that when we suffer from anxiety and other mental health issues, we feel disconnected. When you forge a connection with another person, there is no longer a sense of “us vs. them,” and it becomes easier to build trust. You’re more likely to give someone the benefit of the doubt. The physical health benefits of connection include immunity, longevity, and lower risk of chronic illness.

But what if you’ve been isolated or lonely for so long that you've forgotten how to relate to other people? Perhaps it's never come naturally to you. How can you deepen your connection with the people around you?

• Address people by their names in conversation. Hearing your name sparks your attention and makes you feel more engaged, making the interaction more meaningful.

• Be present for the person in front of you, listening to them with genuine interest.

• Ask their opinion and acknowledge what they say (you don’t have to agree with them). 

• Have a list of lightweight questions for the moments when you run out of things to say. I used to hate small talk, but it’s an effective way to learning more about someone. Think of it as checking in; for example, ask about their weekend plans or how their weekend went. Be curious.

• Use physical touch, e.g., a handshake, a pat on the back, or a hug. This one can be tricky in a work situation, so tread carefully and always take context into consideration.

• Smile. I tend to default to a serious expression (RBF), so I remind myself to smile when I'm walking around in public. It makes me feel more connected to others and tends to be contagious, triggering stress-relieving endorphins all around.

• Be generous (but sincere) with praise and be helpful.

• Create space for vulnerability, sharing your own struggles and fears. If you follow my blog, you know that I often share personal stories, and I hope that makes you feel more connected to me!

If you want to create new connections, try putting yourself in situations with people who share your interests. At work, this might be an affinity group or ERG (employee resource group). Outside of work, you could join a group or activity related to your hobbies or a skill you want to build.

If you're an introvert, initiating a conversation with a stranger might take a little extra push. I tried this the other day at dinner while waiting in line outside the restroom. Instead of standing in awkward silence like I normally do, I asked the people in front of me how their dinner was going, and learned that one of the women was celebrating her 80th birthday. We had a nice chat. This may not sound like a big deal to everyone, but I felt the warm fuzzies in return for my effort.

Where can you create more of a sense of connectedness to other people? Commit to being more intentional about strengthening your human connections, and then see what happens!

• Watch Kermit the Frog perform “The Rainbow Connection” from The Muppet Movie.