What Running Late Taught Me About Confidence

Here's a secret about confidence: it's not about perfectly controlling every situation to get the outcome you want. It's about knowing you are capable of handling whatever happens.

As I meet with prospective and new coaching clients these days, a common goal or challenge that comes up is acting with confidence in the workplace, especially in unexpected situations or when dealing with new stakeholders. One person even referred to their struggle with confidence as a “weakness.”

Mind you, this is coming from people in senior leadership roles who work at companies that you and I have both heard of. That is not to say that their jobs make them superior in some way, but they have achieved some level of success in their careers. And yet, they struggle with confidence. 

I understand, because I’ve been there and still have times when I feel insecure, anxious, and timid. Regardless of a client’s background, confidence is something that you can build, like any other skill or muscle. 

When you’re put on the spot unexpectedly, or something goes wrong, you can respond or adapt. Notice that I didn’t say you’ll do it perfectly. But you’ll live.

This gap between external success and internal doubt is a very normal and human problem. I went through this myself just last week.

My confidence was tested when I hit heavy traffic on my way to teach a yoga class and realized that I was going to be late. I confess that it wasn’t just because of the traffic. I had finished a great coaching session with a new client and lost track of time. When the realization hit that I should have already left, I changed clothes so hurriedly that I was still holding my jeans in one hand as I hopped into the car. So if I’m being honest, I was not on top of things. 

My automatic reaction was to spiral;

I watched my ETA creep later and later. It’s so unprofessional of me to not greet my students before class! I can’t believe I let this happen! I should have known to leave extra early instead of a few minutes later!

Then, a voice inside me asked if this was really how I wanted to show up to my class today. Did I want to be flustered and apologetic from the get-go? Of course not. So I started applying what I’ve learned through coaching, and stepped back to look beyond my initial ‘failure’ to examine the worst-case scenario. What if I arrived late?

I had planned a sequence for the class that I felt good about, that was both challenging and fun. When I considered what would matter most to the students, I knew that I could still give them a great experience as long as I could be present and not distracted by my own tardiness.

So instead of continuing to stress out and arriving at the studio feeling like I had to apologize profusely, I called the front desk to give the students a heads-up that I would be there right at class time, took a few deep breaths to center myself, and showed up excited and ready to teach. Yes, I was a minute late, and that wasn’t ideal, but a few of the students were still arriving and getting set up.

During the class, I didn’t play my carefully curated music playlist. But I focused on engaging with the yogis in the room and having fun. My attitude was contagious and I got good feedback at the end of class. Most importantly, I created a great experience for all of us, without letting myself get in the way.

My confidence came from knowing that I had the skills to perform the task at hand, because I had done it before and was prepared. I was able to adapt on the fly, and focus on doing what mattered most, not achieving the ideal scenario. Even though I made mistakes, I didn’t let my initial self-criticism stop me. And I lived to tell the story.

Where in your work could you shift from seeking perfect control to trusting you’ll handle whatever comes?