Lessons in Leadership: What My Managers Taught Me

Managers are crucial for employee engagement, serving as coaches and mentors who share their knowledge and experiences to help employees solve problems and perform more effectively. Over the course of my career, I’ve had approximately 25 bosses. When I look back on what I learned from observing their behaviors and receiving their advice, here are the top five lessons I keep coming back to time and time again. I’ve passed them on to my reports, mentees, and coaching clients to develop skills in decisiveness, relationship management, communication, balancing strategic vs. tactical work, and cultivating talent.

Put a Stake in the Ground

Previously, when I lacked a strong opinion, I deferred decisions to colleagues, thinking I was being considerate by letting them choose. But one of my managers taught me the value of taking a position, or as she would say, ‘putting a stake in the ground’. It gives people a starting point for critique and further development of ideas, and the stake can always be moved. We often worry about being correct and how others will perceive us, but being decisive – especially when it comes to tough decisions – can be a powerful catalyst for progress. 

In order for this approach to succeed, make sure you are open to opposing viewpoints and other information that may alter your point of view. Some of my peers have elected a ‘strong opinions, loosely held’ approach, which works as long as others are aware they are receptive to feedback and flexible in their viewpoint. A common pitfall that senior leaders make is underestimating the weight of their opinions. If your team is too intimidated to challenge your ideas, you may miss out on essential perspectives and data.

Leveraging Relationships and Your Network

When a previous team faced roadblocks or uncertainty, my manager always seemed to know a leader to consult. I learned that the right connections can save both time and frustration. Sometimes, all it takes is for a person of influence on another team to send a short message or have a quick chat to clear the way. 

Your connections don’t have to be in a position of power; respected individuals with valuable insider knowledge are also helpful. You can leverage your network without getting entangled in office politics or engaging in unethical behavior. If you cultivate trusting relationships with others by being a good partner, communicating effectively, and being willing to help, most people are happy to reciprocate.

Nemawashi 

Strong relationships are crucial, and understanding communication nuances like Nemawashi enhances them, particularly when seeking consensus. I learned this from a manager who led a large global organization with cross-functional partners. Wikipedia defines Nemawashi as “a Japanese business informal process of laying the foundation for some proposed change or project by talking to the people concerned and gathering support and feedback before a formal announcement.” While the literal meaning of Nemawashi (根回し) is turning roots, it’s really about laying the groundwork. 

To garner support or approval for a concept, first talk with each key stakeholder individually to understand and address their concerns and objections. Then, by the time you present the idea in a group setting, everyone is already on board and prepared to ratify the decision. 

What are the benefits of this approach? First, you can avoid surprises for the decision makers and yourself in a meeting with several attendees. Speaking with them individually makes them feel valued and included, and also allows you to find out how they feel about your proposal. You also have the chance to address any objections ahead of time. Second, you avoid debates or disputes in meetings, and instead start from a position of consensus and can focus on proceeding with implementation.

T-Shaped Leadership

In addition to effective communication, successful leadership requires balanced focus and perspective: T-shaped leadership, the same manager taught me. I don’t know if this is the official term, but it refers to balancing breadth and depth. The analogy is of a bird of prey, like an eagle with laser sharp vision who flies above a large area or watches from a perch, searching for their next meal. As they hone in on their prey, they dive down and swoop it up with their talons. Once they fulfill their mission, they don’t linger on the ground where they could be vulnerable to a predator or rivals; they fly back to their high altitude.

Leaders are responsible for a broader scope of work than their employees’ tasks. It’s important to keep a wide view from a high vantage point. When issues require your intervention, you may need to dive to a lower altitude to get more deeply involved, but make sure that you don’t get stuck on the ground. As fast as possible, get back to flying or sitting on your perch.

While getting into the weeds may give you an endorphin rush, remember that you are not adding your highest value there. Get back up in the air to focus on the things only you can do as a leader.

Invest in People for their Potential

We all want to lead a high-performing team, but some employees need nurturing to reach their full potential. One of my managers taught me to invest in untapped talent, sometimes hiring from unconventional backgrounds or giving employees a chance to recover from performance issues. Past setbacks don't preclude an employee's future success; a second chance may even increase their motivation and diligence.

Look for that spark in your employees – if you see someone with grit, ambition, and the will to learn and receive feedback, consider whether they simply lack knowledge or experience. Perhaps all they need is someone to believe in them and provide attention, guidance, direction, and encouragement.

Lessons in What Not To Do

My managers and leaders have also taught me lasting lessons about negative leadership behaviors. By experiencing what it’s like to be on the receiving end, these are the behaviors I avoid.

• Micromanaging: Instead, empower your team by delegating clearly, setting expectations, and trusting them to take ownership. Provide support and guidance, but allow autonomy.

• Devaluing work experiences unlike yours: Instead, recognize and appreciate the diverse skills and perspectives that each team member brings as assets for problem-solving and innovation.

• Yelling at employees: Instead, communicate respectfully and remain composed, even in challenging situations. Address concerns calmly and professionally, focusing on solutions, not blame.

• Bad mouthing other teams or leaders: Instead, model respect and collaboration. Address cross-functional conflicts constructively.

• Assigning work without vision or purpose: Instead, clearly communicate each task’s 'why' and its contribution to your organization’s objectives, fostering motivation and purpose.

All of these lessons from my past managers have shaped my leadership. Effective leadership is not about having all the answers or avoiding failure at any cost, but about continuous learning, fostering strong relationships, and empowering those around you. What leadership lessons have resonated most with you in your career?

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P.S. If you are at risk for burnout, sign up for my free upcoming webinar: Decode Burnout: Causes, Costs and Cures for High-Achievers